Into the Not So Wide Open
by Fencer
Summary: REPOSTED! It's a dark AU. Lily's an assasin for Voldimort, but after a hard assignment, she retires. Now she's in Hogwarts and wonders w/c of the two is harder: being an assasin, or being a misfit teenager? Voldie's good here. L/J, & R/R pls!
1. The Start

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Just this fic's plot. Harry Potter belongs to the great J. K. Rowlings, all hail her. Don't sue me please.

A/N: Hey people, this is my first time in fanfiction writing, so please be kind and constructive in your reviews. I hope you like this. 

**Chapter 1**

A girl stood at the edge of the cliff, her cloak and dark auburn hair billowing in the wind. She watched the setting sun slowly tinge the sea red. Her green eyes clouded over at this. _Red—how I loath that color, it reminds me of blood.__ Wasted blood. _

She sat down and wrapped her cloak around her. In the silence, she let the things that transpired a while ago replay in her mind….

--flashback--

She was working on a report about her previous assignment when someone knocked on her door. Not waiting for her reply, a tall man came in and walked towards her.

"Was there something you needed, Mr. Avery?" she inquired in a cold voice. She reached at the back of her robe for her wand, and readied it behind her if the need arises. With Avery around, one isn't too careful.

"No need for formalities, Evans. I was sent here to give you this." He handed her a green folder. She stared at it for a moment before accepting it. She didn't look too happy.

"Another assignment? And so soon too." She opened the folder and scanned the papers, and then she froze. She looked up from it, face pale but emotionless. She saw Avery smirk.

"Thank you, Mr. Avery, you may close the door after you leave," her voice was still cold, but now there was a faint tremor in it.

Avery turned away, and walked towards the door. Just as he reached for the knob, he turned around again, and paused.

"And one more thing, Evans. Lord Voldemort wants to see you. He wishes to discuss this little… assignment of yours." And with one last smirk, he exited the room.  

She stood there, staring at nothing in particular. Her hands tightly gripped the folder, and one could almost see it tremble. No doubt, she was shaken, a rarity for her. 

The grandfather clock behind her chimed midnight, and she started. Voldemort wished to see her, and it was already late. The corridors weren't safe at this hour, so she decided to apparate instead. A very dangerous thing, considering she's still fifteen and underage, but no matter, the Dark Lord taught her well. 

In a blink of an eye, she was gone.

She apparated into a cozy-looking study; it was quite a stark contrast to the cold castle. In front of the fire was an armchair. She cleared her throat to inform the person in that chair of her presence. As expected, that person stirred in his seat.

"Ah, Lily… you are here now," the voice was deep, and almost kind. Aside from her parents, he was the only one to call her by her first name.

"Come, come, and take a seat. It's nice to see you again, Lily," the voice went on, but she wished it would stop.

"You wanted to talk to me, my lord?"

"Yes, and I still do." He paused and turned to face her, and Lily could now see him properly. He was a very handsome man, though age tarnished this a little. His dark brows furrowed, and a troubled look passed his eyes. 

"Lily, do you detest me?" he silently asked.

"Not I, my lord," came her cold reply, and she looked away.  A sad chuckle escaped him, and he sighed.

"Lily, you have been like a daughter to me. I've watched you grow into a wonderful young lady, since that night I found you in the rain and took you in. So please believe me, my dearest Lily, when I say that it grieves me so to give you this assignment. Now, I ask you again, Lily, do you detest me?"

This time, silence answered him. He shook his head wearily, and true sadness now echoed in his voice. 

"I couldn't blame you for being mad at me, my child, I perfectly understand." He paused and looked at her face for any sign of emotion. When he saw none, he went on, his eyes never leaving her face. "After all, it isn't every day that a girl is asked to kill her own family."

"Indeed, it is not."

"But Lily, you have to understand, this must be done. The Evans's, your family, are great wizards, and they refused to join my forces. Not only that, they decided to side with our opponents, the so called 'good forces'. That is why I have to do what I have to do. After all, sacrifices—— "

"—must be made. Yes, yes, I know that already," Lily cut him off icily. 

How many times had she heard him say that? Countless. During her first months with him, he had explained to her his cause, why he had killed all those families and muggles. At first, it was hard to understand, especially to an eight-year old Lily. But Voldemort was a patient man, and finally, Lily understood. 

Tom Marvolo Riddle dreamed of a peaceful wizarding world, and he was one of the very few wizards who understood the danger the muggles and muggle-born wizards pose to this peace. He never killed anyone without reason, and now he was being persecuted by the very people he tried to protect. Ironic indeed.    

"Tom, there is no need to explain," she said softly. She was the only one who calls him that. "But what I don't understand is that, why me?"

"Because, Lily, you were once with them. They are your family."

At this, Lily looked at him sharply. No, they are not her family. They ceased to be that after they threw her out in the rain when they saw in their crystal ball and tea leaves that Lily will one they bring them misfortune. It turned out that she _was going to bring them misfortune. _

Voldemort noticed that look, and he massaged his temple with a hand. "Lily, I do not know what happened that night I found you, but whatever it was, it must hurt. Lily, I'm very sorry, but you have to do this." He straightened up a bit, and then went on.

"As I was saying before, I chose you because, being your family, you know them best. It would also lessen the chances they may figure out that it is I who sent you. I doubt that they know you are with me presently. Besides, you are the best in this kind of job, Lily." 

"I understand now, my lord."

"And Lily, you know the rule. You mustn't leave any witnesses."

Lily nodded silently. A troubled look clouded Lily's face, and when she looked up, her emerald eyes were filled with confusion. It was the first time that day that she showed emotion.

"Is there something wrong, Lily?"

"No, nothing. It's just that, they _did _hurt me back then, and yet, I feel terrible about… eliminating them. Really terrible"

"I know, my dear, I know. My father was horrible to me as well, but I never did take pleasure in killing him. Never." 

Then an idea hit him, and his eyes brightened slightly.

"I tell you what. After this assignment, you may ask me anything you want, and I promise you, I will give them to you." He gave Lily a fatherly smile, and he was well rewarded with a small smile in return. 

"Thank you, Tom." 

He looked away, his eyes suddenly misting. He had an idea of what Lily was going to wish for, and granting it may be the hardest thing he had to do. 

When he looked back, Lily was gone.

"Oh, Lily."

--end flashback--

A lone sea gull uttered a cry, and Lily started. It was already dark, and the night was chilly. She drew the cloak tighter around her as she stood up, and with one last look at the sea, she turned around.

Tonight, she's going to do the hardest thing in her life, and tonight, she is going to cry. 

The wind howled, as Voldemort's most skilled assassin headed towards her former home. This isn't the first time she killed, but she knew this is going to be the last.

She walked in the darkness, thinking. She knew now what she's going to ask Voldemort for—that he let her go.

***

A/N: Hey, I kinda reposted this cause I suddenly can't find my fic on the net. I don't know what happened to it. Can somebody tell me what's going on? Like I said, I'm new to this whole FanFiction.Net thing, so please help me out. Thanks.


	2. Ahk! Boys! Somebody save me!

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applied.

A/N: Well, here it is. Voldie's even kinder here. So please bear with me. And please review. Negative ones are welcomed, as long us they're constructive and put in a nice way. Hehe. I also want to thank my first reviewers, Shining Crystal, BastsCleopatra, Snowlily, 'reader', Professional Scatterbrain, and Scuba Diva Sam. You guys helped me big time.

**Chapter 2**

Lily sat silently in her train compartment, a book on her hand. Once in a while, she would look out of her window to watch the green meadows blur away as the scarlet train whizzed by. But most of the time, she would stare off in space, thinking and never minding the noise of the students outside her compartment. She smiled wryly. She never thought she'd end up in a train heading to Hogwarts.

Once again, in the solidarity of her compartment, she let her mind wander off, thinking of the events the previous night. It was a very hard night for her, for that night, she had to say goodbye to the man she came to think of as her father. 

--flashback--

She apparated into the same cozy study, and again, she cleared her throat. She walked near the chair, not waiting for the man to acknowledge her.

"Tom, I am here now."

The man said nothing. He merely nodded.

"I suppose you'd want to know how my assignment went. Well, I can safely say that it was successful," she continued in a clipped tone.

"'Safely?'"

"That is right."  Then to herself, she said _No need to tell him that I spared Petunia. With the powerful memory spell on her, I doubt she'ld even remember she's a wizard._

He stared at her face intently, and then he smiled sadly.

"You have been crying, Lily."

"It is only natural."

"Yes it is. And I suppose you are here to claim your prize?"

"Yes…."

"What would it be then, Lily? New broom, new robes, shoes? Come, tell me."

It was her turn to smile sadly. She knew that the old man was stalling.

"Tom, I think we both know what I'm going to ask you for," she said silently.

The man nodded miserably. Then he stood up and came to Lily. It was quite a surprise for her when he gathered her in his arms in a tight hug. Lily put her arms around her and hugged him back.

"Oh, Lily, I will miss you," he murmured

"I will miss you too, Tom."

They stayed that way for a moment, and then they slowly pulled away. There was silence for awhile, and it was Voldemort who broke it.

"Lily, I suggest that you go to Hogwarts."

She stared at him. Hogwarts? But Dumbledore, Voldemort's greatest enemy, is headmaster there. How could he suggest that?

"Yes, Lily, Hogwarts. From the way you look at me, I think I'd better explain."

Lily nodded quietly, and she sat down.

"Lily, you are still a minor, and I doubt they are going to send you to Azkaban. The least they could do is to send you to Hogwarts, under Dumbledore's supervision. Most probably, they would say that you did all those. . .murders under the Imperious Curse."

At this, Lily gasped indignantly.

"Tom, you know I did all those killings on my own free will, and I would deny it when they say I was under the Imperious Curse the whole time. I wouldn't betray you that way!"

Voldemort gazed at her with fatherly pride. That was his Lily. But, he shook his head.

"Lily, I could not let you do that. I could never let you rot away in Azkaban. Please understand. In Hogwarts, you will be safe. Dumbledore is known to be a very forgiving and understanding man, and he will protect you from those who persecute you."

He looked at Lily straight in the eye, and went on quietly.

"And there, he can give you what I have neglected to give you, Lily—your childhood."

Lily said nothing, and then looked away.

"Lily, do you understand?"

"Yes, Tom."

"It is settled then. Tomorrow is the fourth of September, and you will board the Hogwarts Express. Don't worry, Lily, I already have every thing you would need packed and ready."

Lily stared at him again, and this time, her brow arched. She had an amused and accusing look in her eyes. Again, Voldemort noticed.

"Well, I kind of had a haunch that it would come to this, Lily," he explained somewhat guiltily.

"I've also…owled Dumbledore already. He says that you are welcomed there," he went on.

Lily was surprised at this. She knew how hard it was for him to ask his enemy for anything. It was harder still to give up a daughter to that enemy. She was touched.

"Thank you, Tom." Then she rose up and walked towards him. She kissed him in the cheek.

After a somewhat embarrassed silence, Voldemort cleared his throat.

"It is late, Lily. And you have a train to catch." He reached for the inside of his cloak and withdrew what seemed to be a golden locket. "But before you leave, let me give you this." 

He came over to Lily, and stood behind her. Lily lifted her tresses as Voldemort placed the chain around her neck and clasped the lock at the back. Lily touched the locket and opened it. On one half, there was a picture of her smiling brightly. On the other half was a picture of Voldemort smiling and waving his hand.

Lily turned around to face him, and with out warning she threw her hands around him and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back, and Lily sobbed in his arms.

They broke apart, and Voldemort turned around to hide his tears. When he turned back again, Lily was gone.

"Goodbye, Lily." He whispered in the silence.

--end flashback--

Her thoughts were cut off when the compartment door slid open. At the doorway, there stood four boys her age. The first one was tall and well-built, with dark brown eyes behind glasses and messy jet black hair. The next one was just as tall, with dark longish hair and dark eyes which held a mischievous glint. The third one was a little bit shorter, with sandy blond hair and tired eyes. The last one was the shortest, with beady eyes and portly stature. They all stared at Lily.

It was the guy with the glasses who broke the silence first. He cleared his throat.

"Er, hullo. I'm James Potter, and this is Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew." He pointed at his friends respectively. 

He smiled at her and went on, "And you are?"

"I'm Lily Evans," she answered silently. She held defenses up. After all, she seldom met boys her age, and those she did meet in her assignments, she had to kill afterwards.

"Listen, can we stay here in your compartment? Anywhere else is full."

Lily hesitated at first, then seeing that she couldn't just not let them in, she complied. "Okay…."

The boys entered, and the five of them sat in silence. It didn't last long though as the compartment door slid open once again to reveal two girls her age. One was a blue-eyed blond with busty chest, and the other one had dark skin and exotic eyes. They both stared at Lily. Then they turned to the boys.

"Jamsie, who's she?" the blond one asked somewhat irritably. After seeing Lily's pale face and the dark circles under her eyes, she didn't seem too impressed.

"She's Lily Evans. We just met."

"Oh," she replied. She didn't give James the chance to introduce them properly

With a suggestive smile and a twinkle in her eyes, she came in and sat on James's lap. "Hey, Jamsie, I'm going to the loo. Wanna join me?"

James looked at her, then at Lily. She was staring at them so weirdly and almost amusedly that James flushed in embarrassment. He turned back to the blond, and with his most disarming smile, he grabbed her hand and stood up. 

"Sure, Courtney, I would love to." Then they both quit the compartment. 

Sirius also stood up then he went over to the exotic girl. "Hey, Olivia, I know this place in this train where we can have some privacy. Wanna see it?"

The girl giggled breathily and batted her lashes. "Of course, Sirius. Whatever you say."

Lily stared after them, quite puzzled. But she was entertained. Very. _So this is how flirting goes. It's a bit disgusting, though._

Peter cleared his throat then stood up. "I'm just gonna check out the food cart. You want anything, Remus, Lily?"

They both shook their heads, and Peter went out. The two of them were left in awkward silence. Remus looked at Lily, and he saw her looking out of the window. She looked kind of uncomfortable, so he had no choice but to make the first move.

"Hey, Lily. I've never seen you around before. You just transferred?"

"Um, yeah, I guess you could say that." She said nothing more. And again, silence reigned. By now, both felt that there was something out of the normal about the other. 

"You're different, Lily."

Lily stared at him then she smiled wryly.

"So are you, Remus." Remus smiled back.

They spent the rest of the trip in a now comfortable silence, seeing that the others never really bothered to return. And both new that some connection was forged between them.

***

So how was it? Good? Bad? Really bad? Tell me, pleeeeaasse. And while you're at it, you could also give me some ideas for the next chapters :-).

Thanks also to Lady Prongs, Badger, and Sirius' lover!


	3. The Meeting

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, don't sue me.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long. Here it is. Hope you like it.

**Chapter 3**

Lily has been standing at the entrance of the Great Hall for a while now, not minding the rush of students around her. _It's amazing, she thought as she stared at the ceiling. _And a bit intimidating, too. _Had it not been for her usual control of facial expressions, she was sure her jaw would be reaching the floor by now._

_So this is Hogwarts, she allowed a small smirk to graze her features, __not a bad choice, Tom Riddle, not bad at all._

She looked at the hall again, there were four long tables in the Hall, all almost with students. There were also candles floating around, giving the hall a sense of warmth and ambiance. In front was the teachers' table, the teachers chatting among themselves.

She noticed that the rushing around her was gone already, and that the students were now seated. _What happens to me now? I can't just barge in—_

Her thoughts were abruptly cut off when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Instinctively, her hand shot into the inside of her robe for her wand and she turned around sharply, ready to face the offender. She cursed herself for getting lost in her thoughts. 

But the 'offender' was only a middle-aged woman, and by the looks of her, it was clear that Lily startled her. Lily relaxed a little and the woman quickly regained her composure.

"You must be Lily Evans," the woman said with a smile.

"Yes," she replied somewhat warily. How did this woman know who she was?

"I'm Professor McGonagall, Head of the Gryffindor House. Professor Dumbledore, the Headmaster, wishes to speak to you, so now if you please, follow me." 

The woman offered a smile again, which was barely returned, before she started to walk. After a moment's hesitation, Lily followed. They marched down the empty corridors, occasionally encountering ghosts. They even bumped into Peeves, and Lily almost had to restrain herself from putting the Cruciatus Curse on the poltergeist. 

Finally, they stopped in front of a gargoyle, which jumped and made way for them after McGonagall mumbled something to it. They stepped onto the spiral staircase that was moving upwards slowly, and it brought them up to a wooden door with brass door knockers. McGonagall knocked three times before pushing the door open.

Lily almost gasped as they stepped into the office. The walls were lined with shelves decked with interesting and unfamiliar things. In the corner was a cage, and in it was the most beautiful thing Lily has ever seen, the Phoenix. Lily started walking towards it, as if it was calling her….

"Fascinating, isn't she?" A voice said from behind her. 

She could hear footsteps approaching her, and she spun around quickly. She saw an elderly man with long silvery hair and beard regarding the phoenix fondly, his blue eyes twinkling behind half-moon spectacles.

"Her (a/n: I'm not really sure if Fawkes is a girl) name is Fawkes, a very close friend of mine," he went on, still gazing at the creature affectionately.  Then he turned to  Lily, eyes twinkling merrily.

"Hello, Lily, I'm Professor Dumbledore" he said kindly.

"Good evening, sir." _So this is Dumbledore. He certainly isn't what I expected._

"Professor McGonagall already went out, while you were busy gazing at Fawkes." He noticed Lily shift uncomfortably. "Don't worry, Fawkes has that effect on people. Come, come, take a seat." 

Lily went over to the plush chairs and sat down stiffly, while Dumbledore took a seat in front of her.

"So, Lily," Dumbledore started, "welcome to Hogwarts."

"Thank you, sir."

"Let's cut to the chase, shall we. I've heard a lot about you, Lily, and I'm very well aware of who and what you are."  He paused to let Lily say something, but she just nodded and looked away.

"Through out the years, I've taken in many students who are different from others. Half-giants, half-veelas, half-sprites, and squibs. There was even a werewolf, can you imagine that?" Lily felt a little hope of being accepted openly flutter in her gut.

"But," he went on, "never have I taken in an assassin… and for Voldemort at that." Lily felt that hope die. Sensing this, Dumbledore chained the subject.

"Lily, you are fifteen now, correct?"

"Yes, sir"

"That means, you will be entering Fifth year. There would be a lot to catch up on, and it wouldn't be easy."

"I had a governess once in the Riddle House. She taught me what I needed to know."

"Very well, then."

There was a knock on the door, and Professor McGonagall came in again. This time, she was carrying a tattered old pointed hat. 

"Albus, the Sorting is finished."

"Thank you, Minerva, you may return to the Feast now." Professor McGonagall placed the hat on the table in front of them and quickly went out again.

Dumbledore reached for the hat, and held it in front of Lily.

"This is the Sorting Hat. It's unfortunate you missed her song, it can be quite entertaining." Lily looked at him strangely. _Sorting hat? Song?_

"Now that we've established the year you will be in, we need to sort you into a house."

"A house, Professor?"

"Yes, Lily, a house. Here in Hogwarts, we have four, the Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, and Gryffindor. And this hat will tell us which of these four you belong to. All you have to do is put it on." He handed Lily the hat.

Lily stiffly put the hat on, readying herself for whatever's going to happen. She waited, until she heard a little voice….

_Relax, girl, I don't bite. There was a short pause, and then,_ Hmm, so you're the one going around killing perfectly fine wizards, tsk, tsk. It's clear that I ought to put you in Slytherin, what with you being a death eater and all—no, don't ask me how I knew. So Slytherin it is…but, wait. I sense something else. Bravery, huh? And courage to stand up to something terrible…. Maybe Gryffindor wouldn't be too bad for you. So what do you think? Gryffindor? All right then, _GRYFFINDOR!_

Lily immediately took the hat off at the deafening cry, only to see Dumbledore smiling at her weirdly. 

"Gryffindor it is, then. I must say I'm surprised, as well as pleased. There might still be hope, Lily…."_ Dumbledore stood up and went to his desk. He got a parchment and a quilt and started writing. After securing it to an owl and sending it off, she went back to Lily._

"That was for Voldemort. I promised to write to him after you've arrived here. Now, Lily, you must be hungry. Why don't you head back to the Feast and get something to eat?"

"That would be very nice, sir." He walked towards the door to open it, and Lily followed. But she stopped. "Professor?"

"Yes, Lily?"

"I just wanted to say that… um…thank you, for accepting me. And, that, that for the past few years, I did some things that I'm not proud of, and I'm sorry for what I did. I will never do it again, and I hope you believe me when I say that I'll try my best not to mess up this second chance I got." She knew she was babbling, but she didn't care. That has got to be the longest speech she made in a long time.

"Of course, Lily, I never doubted you for a second." Then he paused, as if contemplating. "And one mot thing Lily, you may want to do something about that Dark Mark on your left shoulder blade. We don't want people asking questions, do we?" He smiled knowingly.

Lily's hand instinctively shot up to her dark mark. _How could he have known? And only Tom knows where it's located. "Professor, you'll keep everything between the two of us, right?"_

"Yes, Lily, though I'm afraid I have to inform Professor McGonagall about this. She is the Head of the Gryffindor House after all."

"All right, if you say so. Thank you, Professor."

"You're very welcome, Lily."

With that, Lily exited the room.

***

A/N: So? How is it? Talk to me.  I know I've been kinda slow on the L/J romance, but I'm still working on it. Thanks for reading.

You see that little blue box down there? Click it.


	4. Midnight Rendezvous

Disclaimer: I'm the great owner of Harry Potter!!! *evil laugh* and, unfortunately, I'm also a big liar.

A/N: Thanks for bothering to read.

**Chapter 4**

The feast was over, and the prefects were ushering their houses to their respective dormitories. At least, they were trying to. The hall was chaotic, as students kept shrieking and giggling at the sight of their much changed friends. Lily stood watching as a group of girls group-hugged and cried as if they hadn't seen each other for years. She would feel awkward if she were one of them, she thought.

A swarm of chattering and giggling girls were approaching her way. She noticed that two of them were the girls from the train earlier, Olivia and Courtney. And she also noticed that they kept throwing mocking glances at her before exchanging knowing looks with each other. They were at it since she returned from Dumbledore's office, and Lily was starting to get irritated.

As the girls eddied around her, Courtney bumped Lily on the shoulder, hard. Then, sneering, she turned to face Lily.

"Hey, watch it!" She looked at Lily from head to foot, like she was something unpleasant she had just stepped on. "You're new, aren't you?"

The Queen of Hogwarts, aren't we, Lily thought. She kept her cool, though, deciding to play along. It would be entertaining to see where this was going. 

"Yes, I'm new," Lily replied coolly. "And you ask because…?" 

"Oh, no reason, no reason at all. Just thought it would be nice to warn you to _get out of my way if you don't want me to make you're life a living hell." _ The other girl, Olivia, snickered loudly—that set Lily's blood boiling.

 "Then perhaps I should return the favor and warn you to leave me alone if you want to live _at _all_." With that, Lily gave her a chilling stare and left her wondering about what she just said._

How dare they?! How dare they judge her when she hadn't even said a single world to them yet?! Inside she was fuming, raging at such pathetic display of immaturity.  She headed out with the other Gryffindors, who seemed to be oblivious to what just happened. Just as well, she said to herself, she already attracted enough attention as it is. 

Her anger slowly ebbed away as they walk on the corridor. At the back of her mind, she knew shouldn't have threatened her like that—it could have given her away. Besides, there was no truth in it. She never killed if she didn't have to. That is, if Voldemort didn't order her to. 

"Hungarian Horntail." 

Lily was snapped out of her thoughts as the prefect announced the password. She wondered why they were stopping in front of a portrait of a fat lady, then she realized that this must be a hidden passage way. True enough, the portrait swung open to reveal a door, and all first years oohed and ahhed as they enetered.

The first words that came into her mind when she saw the room, were 'warm' and 'cozy'. It seemed comfortable enough, with the fire crackling merrily. Instinctively, she scanned the room with narrowed eyes. There was a niche just beside the window, almost hidden.  There was a chair and a coffee table big enough for one. It was perfect for her. However, she had to check it later, as all the ladies are already being led to their dormitories. 

***

Lily was lying on her bed, which was the nearest to the window. She has been staring at the darkness above her for about a few hours now. Obviously, sleep wasn't coming to her tonight. She turned her head towards the crescent moon. This would be a perfect night to kill. Dark, so she wouldn't be seen prowling on the streets. But it was bright enough to let her see what she's doing.

She shook her head. For the enth time, she wondered how her life's going to change now that she's in Hogwarts. She grew up learning nothing but the wonders of the Dark Arts. Voldemort himself drilled her on the Unforgivable curses when she was only ten. She learned how to kill when she was eleven. But every night since then she was haunted by nightmares that mostly consisted of her victims' eyes. In the morning, she couldn't look at herself in the mirror, for fear of what she may see. She was a stained thing, stained by the blood of the innocent lives she took. Yeah, it was a living, breathing hell, alright.

But it was still her life, and now it was taken away from her. She's in an unfamiliar environment, one that is ruled by the person she was fighting against. She's lost. No wonder she couldn't sleep.

Making up her mind, she sat up and quietly got off her bed. It was dark, but that didn't hinder Lily as she headed for the door. This would be the best time to check out her niche.

Still very quietly, she padded across the stillness of the common room. The fire was already out, and it was very cold and dark. But then again, when did cold and dark ever bother an assassin? So she sat there, surrounded in darkness. 

She tried not to think about her last assignment. She tried to push it out of her mind. Heck, she even considered putting the oblivion spell on herself. 'Cause with out doubt, that was the shittiest assignment she'd had in her whole life. She knew it was useless to mull over it, but she also knew it was stupid to not think about it. Gods, she just killed her family, of course she would think about it.

Slowly, she forgot her surroundings as their cries echoed in the silence. She would never forget the look on their faces that night. The shock at seeing her again, the wistful and reluctant happiness in her mother's face, then the mortification as she delivered them to their deaths. But one thing she would never ever forget is the look on her little sister Rose's eyes. It was innocent, ignorant, and full of life. But she had to end that life. After killing her, she knew she could never kill Petunia. They were so close once, and she was the only one who cried when their parents kicked Lily out of the house—

Lily snapped out of her thoughts as she felt another presence in the room. Then there were shuffling of feet and whispering, and four boys came bounding into the common room. They lit a lamp, and the darkness immediately vanished. Lily could see the four boys properly now—James, Sirius, Remus and Peter. Thankfully, she wasn't easily seen in her place.

James was holding a piece of parchment, and he had a bright look in his eyes. The others looked sleepy and highly annoyed.

"James, you better have a good reason for waking us up in the middle of the night," Sirius growled. Others mumbled their agreement.

"Oh, don't worry, Padfoot, I have the perfect reason for this meeting. And I'm sure you'll like it."

"Pray tell," was the flat reply. At this, James started to talk animatedly.

"Well, you all seen Lily Evans, right?"

"Evans? Don't know her," Sirius said, with a huge yawn.

"No, idiot, she's the girl from the train! She's new."

"Yeah, I remember her. She's weird," Peter said.

"Exactly! Not only that, she's the perfect target for the next prank." At once Sirius and Peter looked interested.

"Now you're talking. It's just right to give her a …warm welcome, don't you think so, Wormtail?"

"Yeah! James is always such a genius." 

"So it's settled then," James said. "We're gonna do it tomorrow evening, so you better hurry up with the Dung bombs, Si—"

"Why don't you ask me what _I think, James?" Remus cut in quietly. He gave James a hard look._

"What do you mean, Remus?"

"What I mean is that I think it's a stupid idea."

"C'mon, Moony, it's perf—"

"Lily is my friend, and I'm not doing this. James, this is cruel. Yes, she's…different, but so am I, and I don't see you doing pranks on me."

They all stared at him.

"Look, why don't you guys give Lily a chance first? You still don't know her, and for all we know, she might be cool." He looked at their faces. James snorted.

"Really! I'm serious. Please, James."

"Lupin, do you by any chance, have a crush on Miss Evans?"

"What? No—"

"And are you, _by any chance_, blushing?"

"I'm not, now cut it out, ok? And I don't have a crush on Lily. I just thought it would be human of me to give her the chance you guys once gave me!"

The room rang with silence. At the back, Lily wondered what he exactly meant by that. Chance? Well, she could see James relenting.

"_Fine_, let's give Lily a _chance_." James said grudgingly.

"Yeah, and besides, what choice do we have? Lupin here isn't going to do it, and we agreed to agree before doing a prank," Sirius said.

"I'm glad you realized that," Remus said somewhat smugly. "Now we better turn in. I'm sleepy."

Darkness once again ensued as they put out their lamp. Lily could still here them mumbling and bickering, but their voices were fading away already. 

As she's told herself, this was a strange environment, so she figured she shouldn't expect much maturity from students here. Perhaps this was how the world of adolescents ran; the strong will survive while the weak shall perish. Well, at least it wasn't that far off from the world she grew up in—survival of the fittest, as they goddam say.

James Potter. It'd be best to avoid him and his crowd. 'Cause she just didn't trust herself around spoiled brats. Well maybe not Remus, but she still wouldn't take chances.

And what _did_ Remus mean about James once giving him a chance? But that would have to be dealt with later. Right now she had enough things in her mind. 

So she's weird, huh? Well, they don't know just how. She smiled to herself and went to bed.

***

A/N: hehe…. I know there are a lot of grammatical mistakes. Not exactly _know_, but I can feel it. Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm extremely busy. Please review.


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